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#AskB: My Ex is Engaged, But She Keeps Calling Me

#AskB

My ex, whom I dated for SEVERAL years, recently told me she’s engaged. We did the whole back and forth thing during our younger years, but we haven’t been in a fully committed relationship in the most recent adult years. We somehow seem to find our way back to one another, and we realize what we had, hasn’t gone away whenever we are together. But, I’m clueless regarding the engagement cuz she texts and calls me on the regular. We’ve gone out to eat recently. She’ll text me morning prayers, and once sent me a photo of little kid saying that’s what she wants. She’s even asked me if I believe in soul mates?   I’m fully aware that she has a boyfriend, and realize they’ve been together for sometime now, but she talks like she isn’t happy. I’m still not sure what her angle is due to the fact she still hasn’t publicly made it known that she’s engaged. No Facebook or nothing! Far as I know, she may not even be engaged. But I still can’t figure out why she continues to communicate with me daily? Oh yeah, I’m also dating someone too lol.

 

This definitely sounds like a case of old flames that refuse to be blown out. And in this case the situation is getting hotter than July, as she adds new logs to the fire.

I’ve always like when exes can be friends. Especially exes that’s dated for SEVERAL years. And especially, in a society that encourages two people not to speak, because they decided to go their separate ways. Maintaining some level of friendship shows that there was something real there once, that you two are mature and civil, and able to be cordial need be. I was never the one to subscribe to the phrase: they’re an ex for a reason. Everything and everyone has a reason!

However, it’s for sure that you two aren’t fully over one another. Too bad you two have “respectfully moved on” lol.  First things first: get rid of the person you’re seeing. She’s simply occupying a seat. You’re only holding onto her so you’re not lonely. If loneliness is the case, then date, but noting serious. Don’t lead that girl on or any other thinking something serious is on the way when it isn’t.  That’s what your ex is doing to the guy she’s with…or is she not?

In 2017 I don’t know one woman that upon getting engaged that hasn’t taken her news to a social media platform first. Who in the hell runs to tell the ex first, and not the world?  A girl who still loves her ex, that’s who!  Now one can argue she told you first to spare your feelings from being hurt upon you finding out on social media. Which happens to be a nice gesture.  However, she hasn’t made it known publicly, so why inform you first if she wasn’t going inform the public?  That speaks volumes! Again, one can argue that everyone doesn’t run to Facebook and announce to the world they’re engaged. This is true, but the majority of women do! Especially those women who are active on Facebook or any other social media platform.  Is she active on social media?  I bet you she is.  Also consider that most people announce it on social media to inform everyone at once. Folks don’t have the time to phone and text everyone they know to inform them of good or bad news.

Furthermore, who in any happy situation goes on dates with their ex? God bless the prayer warriors, but reaching out with morning prayers, and sending photos of little babies stating that’s what she wants! That’s the kind of behavior we do with and for the person we love and want to be with.

 

I can only think of two GOOD reasons for the constant communication.

  1. She’s not over you at all and wants you to save her from this situation. Constant communication could be her cry for help. She may be only “marrying” this man, because he fits into her life for the better, or she’s trying to make her family happy by doing so.
  2. She’s trying to convince herself that’s she over you. In the midst of the communication she might be looking for the closure she desperately needs.

Those are two reasons to why she’s reaching out daily.  We can also argue that her making you aware of her “engagement” is her way of telling you to back off, but if that’s what she wanted I believe that would have been stated in the context of it all. “I wanted you to know he put a ring on it, so I need for you to fall back,” but I’m guessing she’s never once suggested that you fall back and let her go?  Let’s also argue the possibility by her informing you of this “engagement” is her way of making you man up and rescue her!  She may be hoping that you come save her and bust the wedding up need be.  If that’s the case, don’t do it. Make her man up and call if off, and break things off.  If you do it, you’ll forever be the bad guy no matter what.  Most won’t see it as a romantic act like I would.  Many will hate you. (Okay, so maybe I have more than two reasons Lol.) My final reason is that she’s doing all of this for recreational laughs, which would be super cruel of her, but people have done crazier things.  Honestly, I think she’s not ready to let go of the ideal of you TWO, and I don’t think you are either. I also think somewhere in between the communication she’s keeping you at a safe distance. She knows just how close to play you. I bet she’s got you at arms length right?

Before doing anything hasty, let me ask you these questions: Are you willing to fight for you two, and is there anything worth fighting for? Are you two able to salvage and fix the issues of the past that caused the back and forth breakups? Because if you’re not willing to fight for you two, or mend the issues, than leave her alone and go on with your life. Attempt to make things work with whasserface that you’re currently seeing.  We sometimes SO bad want that old thing back in our lives that we often forget what caused the destruction. We often only remember the good times and over look the bad ones. Don’t allow the memories of the past hold your future hostage.  More importantly, is this the confirmation for you to move on and let her go?  That my friend is the biggest and most important question of them all!  To quote Beyoncé: nothing real can be threatened. This man may not even be a threat to you two…or is he?

Far as him, [the boyfriend] I personally don’t think you owe him anything.  You’re merely trying to reclaim your past position.  And when it comes to her not sounding like she’s happy.  Get her to admit that she’s not happy and it’s really you that she wants.  That will help you make your next move.

Concluding… a happy newly engaged woman will flaunt that ring around with every given chance like no ones business.  She ain’t getting nobodies married more than the man on the moon.

 

 

Do you have a question for B? (drop your question in the comment section.) *comment section is private.

 

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Brian Anthony
I can be your cup of tea or shot of Hennessy!

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