#AskB: When Is It Too Early to Throw the Towel In?
I’ve been busy working on this relationship and it’s A LOT. We’ve been dating for 4 months now. I’m coming off a long stint of being single and he’s not use to dating that much. We have a lot of fun together, but we both have hang-ups.
AskB response: I always say the 3-month mark in a new relationship is the end of the “honeymoon” phase. In three months you should figure out if you want to stay or leave. Honestly, many of us still don’t know after three months and that’s fine. The good thing is you’re evaluating the future of the relationship early on before it’s too late. I like that you mentioned you’ve been putting A LOT of work into it, because people tend to forget it takes work. Or they have this notion not to give too much in the beginning. You’ll have to figure out what’s enough and what’s too much. The reason why it maybe A LOT is due to his dating history or lack thereof, or your singlehood. Here’s an excerpt from a book I’m currently reading: singleness kept me in a protective force field of self. Your issue might be due to the fact you’re not letting him in somehow, shape or form, or you’re mentally stuck in singlehood.
If you think the relationship is worth it, then continue dating him until you reach the six-month mark, or you become fed up. Only time and your inner thoughts can truly tell you when it’s time to exit. Hopefully, by the time six months roll around you’ll know whether to proceed or leave. What you don’t want is to realize a year from now you’ve wasted your time in a relationship that lacks promise of a real future, especially at a particular age. Wasting time at a particular age and stage in life is detrimental to your future. None of us is getting any younger. LOL. Unless you’re looking for a little something something to keep you busy until “Mr. Right” comes along. Hey, “waste my time in 2016” might be what you’re looking for after all. LOL. If you happen to stay, I’ll suggest giving it your all. Nothing screams time wasted than being in a situation that you’re not emotionally invested in. And that’s for both parties involved. GIVE YOUR ALL! This way you can say you’ve given it your best if you two happen to breakup.
The tricky part of this all is his inexperience in the dating department. Honestly, you’ll be surprised how many people are. There are many that have never officially had a significant other. I can only advise you to be extraordinary patience with him. Sadly, there will be a lot of dating lessons given on your part. The good thing is; you kind of have the upper hand here. You can teach him exactly how you wish to be treated, and how to properly court you in the manner in which you are accustomed to. Now don’t take advantage of the poor man, because karma is real! He will eventually make the next woman pay for your mistakes and you don’t want that on your conscience.
You also mentioned you two have lots of fun, and that’s good, but a relationship survives on more than just fun. Needs have to be met often, dare I say daily. You two might realize that you all are better off as friends. And the good thing is, it’s still early in the relationship for you two to remain friends without awkwardness to follow.
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