#AskB: My Lover is Lousy

Home #AskB #AskB: My Lover is Lousy

I’ve been with my man for 16yrs and we have a pretty healthy sex life and when I say healthy I only mean frequently. He’s not the best I’ve ever had but he does his thing. I think it just lacks the passion that I see in the movies. My question is do you think as a man he would be able to handle me telling him what I like without hurting his manhood?


Ask B Response: My favorite thing to say when it comes to any question or topic regarding sex is: never be oblivious to how important of a part sex plays. That’s regardless if you’re having it or not. With that being said, I will always suggest the direct approach, but I’ll be remiss if I didn’t remind you that you’re dealing with the male ego; and it’s fragile as f&*k.  Now I’m positive he’ll be able to handle you telling him what you like without it sounding like he’s a lousy lover. That’s if it involves a few slaps to the a$$ or some other kind of kinky activity.  Again…I remind you that you’re dealing with the male ego and he might not decipher what you’re trying to say that easy.


On a positive note, you acknowledge it’s pretty healthy and that’s good, because there are so many people who have sex frequent, that aren’t in a healthy situation.  Far as him not being the best you had, so what? Half of the time that’s a figment of our imagination.  You can’t teach a old dog new tricks, but you can teach him where to lick.  It really sounds like the sexual steam wore off.  I tell you this, men are simple as hell.  1-2-3 and bam it can be all over.  And no, you’re not asking for too much at all by wishing for an exciting sex life.  It sounds like you have what you want, hell 16 years later and I know that you’re still together based on more than sex.  It sounds as though you’re experiencing a dry spell or a rough patch, and that’s perfectly normal.  You’re just slightly unsatisfied. The good thing is ya’ll relationship isn’t a few years and this is an issue.  16 years though!!! The issue is ya’ll tired as hell.  Just thinking about the life one could build with someone in 16 years makes me exhausted.  Between work, kids, car notes, family members etc. B!tch I’m tired.  New changes in life can also contribute to this lack of sexual excitement. Are there any new sudden changes in his life? Dieting, workouts, lack of sleep, new job, stress of any sort?  Is this a new issue or has it been one for sometime?  This might not be a new issue at all.  It might be an old issue you’ve overlooked throughout the years, but in the grand scheme of it; it’s been 16 years (process that.) You know men can’t perform under pressure without Hennessy to cheer them on. Understand that men rarely change over years. Also keep in mind they say men reach their sexual peak in their teens and women reach theirs in there 30’s.


It just lacks the passion that I see in the movies.” For real? Sex scenes in movies and television are a false tutorial.  They are for entertainment purposes only.  Them scenes are setup, staged, and re-shot time and time again until it looks perfect. You can’t compare your sex life to that. You try that nonsense if you want. Mess around and chip a tooth or throw your back out of place. Then who’s gone pay them bills?


I suggest you take charge of the situation. Put the fire back in your sex life.  You’ve got to keep it fresh and spicy.  Sadly, most women are the ones that have to keep sex lives fun and popping. Get you a membership card to Victoria Secrets, Le Perla, or Fredrick’s. Go get some sexy lingerie and spice things up. Find out what his fantasies are and live them out! Go away for a sex trip. Lock yourselves in a hotel room and survive off sex, water, each other’s breath, and Chinese food for the weekend.  Get your Beyonce “Drunk In Love” on.  Surfboard all up and down on that thing. Graining on that wood/ graining-graining on that wood. Get some fun toys or contraptions to put some fun into it.  Now don’t try any freaky deaky mess that’ll have him going upside your head. DISCLAIMER!!!!! But in all honesty I’m telling you this is normal and you’re not the only couple that’ll experience something like this. Ignite that fire back into your sex life and blow freak flames all on it. And if a child is produced from this, I ain’t got nothing to do with that. LOL


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