#AskB: I’m Not Sure If I Want My Husband Back
My husband and I have been separated for over a year now, and he’s now willing to do anything in his power to get me back. He’s constantly apologizing and reminding me of the good times. I’m not sure what I want as of now. Lately we’ve been spending time together getting along good, co-parenting and all, but now he wants more. Aside from me not knowing what I really want right now, I do know I still love him but I’m having a hard time believing he has changed in the time we’ve been separated. I do want my family back, but what I don’t want is to fall back into old routines. At this point I feel like I have more to lose, while he has everything to gain.
Ask B response: He needs to understand that you two are not together anymore, you two are just co-parenting. Spending time together is good for all of you [you, him & kids.] However, he needs to put his emotions under arrest. You’re not his wife anymore and he’s missing that point. Are you sending him the wrong signals in the process of hanging out? Does he fully understand that you two are only required to speak because of the kids? Because it’s very easy to cross the line and allow the lines to become blurred in the process of figuring out what you want. Especially, because at one time you two shared something special. You need to ask yourself some serious questions. I.E. Do I really want to be a family again? Do I really want my marriage to work? Do I really love him and want him back? Etc.
On the other hand I’m glad he’s telling you how he feels, in the midst of him acknowledging his wrongs and apologizing for his actions in the past. As much as you may or may not want to hear it, it’s good for him and its part of your healing process.
In conclusion, keep the line of communication open. Make him understand that there is no “ya’ll” and what you two are experiencing is called “living in the moment.” Whether he’s able to handle it or not, he needs to understand what it is. Not knowing what the future holds will weed out if he’s doing this for real or for the moment to get what he wants. Y’all “relationship” “marriage” or whatever you two are doing doesn’t stand a chance or future if you two revert back to old habits. Time is key! Give yourself ample amount of time to figure things out, and I promise you in that time the true colors will eventually show.
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