#AskB: My Friends Want Me to Try Online Dating, but I’m Hesitant
I’ve been divorced for 12 years, and a widow to that divorced husband for the last 3 years. In between that time I have dated lightly, but I’m ready to jump back into the dating scene. However, it isn’t easy. Some friends of mine keep encouraging me to join Match.com, but I have some reservations regarding online dating. I’ve toyed with it in the past, but I fear meeting someone crazy or only finding men who want to hookup.
Ask B. response: When it comes to online dating I view it as such: If you have ANY form of social media you’re pretty much already participating in online dating whether you want to or not. People have direct access to ask you out, hit on you, stalk you, send inappropriate photos, or as the kids say “slide in your DM’s.” Accepting a friend request is the first step to online dating whether you personally know the person or not. You never fully know the intentions of the intended friend. When it comes to online dating, it’s very easy to overthink the concept, but it’s not far fetched from reality, as it may seem.
Due to you saying that you’ve been divorce for 12 years and a widow for 3, I’m going to assume that you’re a woman of a particular age. So on that note I say take a chance, but understand it’s not going to be easy. It’s 2017 and interestingly enough, online dating is where it’s at! It’s the new way of meeting people. Because let’s be honest, do you really want to get all dressed up and hit the club scene? Sadly, we thought speed dating was going to be the next big thing, but social media has demolished that ideal. However, the good thing about online dating is it’s a way to get your feet wet, and by that I mean a chance to see what’s out there. And the best part about that is you don’t have to waste any time, money on dates, or clothing while testing the waters. Water testing can be done from your comfy bed and computer. You understanding what’s out there, is you fully understanding your options. Because the dating pool dries up and gets more and more shallow as we grow older.
Now whereas I fully understand your fear of meeting someone crazy, understand you can meet someone crazy in the supermarket. Far as finding a men who only want sex, again, you can find him in the dairy section of said supermarket. In the words of Mya Wilkes: don’t let fear make you its bitch. Cast your fears all the way to the left, because none of us are getting any younger. And yes, it is sad that most have resorted to dating sites in hopes of landing a night of pleasure or their potential new stalkee’. Pathetic or not; it works for some, but be vocal about what it is you want and don’t want off the bat. All while keeping your eyes open for red flags. Leave no room for misconception!
I suggest that you thoroughly research all potential dating sites to see what best suits you. Although Match.com is the top, most popular, and longest running dating site. Seek other options that will best suit what it is you’re looking for. There’s Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, E Harmony, and a slew of others. Here’s a link of the top 10 sites for 2017. I’ll also suggest staying away from dating apps. They SCREAM, “All I wanna do is a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom.” Look for and READ personal testimonies, along with reviews, and pricing. Yes, pricing. Some dating sites require the men to pay. That’s another way to decipher the ones who are serious from the ones who have a past with prostitutes. LOL. Seriously though, some folks are willing to pay for a sex, while others are serious about meeting someone who’s serious. I’ll also suggest that you orchestrate a list of what you want and don’t want. That’s vital to picking a mate in general.
A little rule I like to live by until one gets married is: date and date often! And that’s at any age and for any sex. Going on dates is the ultimate experience for weeding out “Mr. or Mrs. Wrong,” and knowing what you want and don’t want in a mate. And women especially, always remember; a girl’s gotta eat!
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